Vile! # 2

Vile! # 2

True repentance changes a man's opinion of himself. Is, then, a Christian today warranted in saying "Behold, I am vile"? Not as faith views himself united to the One who is "altogether lovely"; but as faith discerns, in the light of the Word, what he is by nature, what he is in and of himself, he may. Not that he is to hypocritically adopt such language in order to gain the reputation of great humility; nay, such an utterance is only to be found upon our lips as it is the feeling expression of our hearts: particularly is it to be owned before God, when we come to Him in contrition and in confession. Yet is it also to be acknowledged before the saints, even as the Apostle Paul cried publicly, "O wretched man that I am!" (Romans 7:24).

It is part of our testimony to own (before those who fear the Lord) what God has revealed to us. "Behold I am vile!" Such is the candid and sorrowful confession of the writer.

1. I am vile in my imaginations. O what scum rises to the surface when lusts boil within me. What filthy pictures are visioned in "the chambers of my imagery" (Ezek. 8:12). What unlawful desires run riot within. Yes, even when engaged in meditating upon the holy things of God, the mind wanders and the fancy becomes engaged with what is foul and vile. How often does the writer have to acknowledge before God that "from the sole of the foot even unto the head there is no soundness" in him, but "wounds, and bruises, and putrefying sores" (Isaiah 1:6). Nightly does he avail himself of that Fountain which has opened "for sin and for uncleanness" (Zech. 13:1).

2. I am vile in my self-will.  How fretful am I when God blows upon my plans and thwarts my desires. What surgings of rebellion within my wicked bosom, when God's providences displease. Instead of lying placidly as clay in the Potter's hand, how often do I act like the unruly colt, which rears and kicks, refusing to be held in with bit and bridle, determined to have my own way. Alas, alas, how very little have I learned of Him who was "meek and lowly in heart." Instead of "the flesh" in me being purified, it has putrefied; instead of its resistance to the spirit weakening, it appears to be stronger each year. O that I had the wings of a dove, that I could fly away from myself!

3. I am vile in my religious pretenses. How often I am anxious to make "a fair show in the flesh" and be thought highly of by others. What hypocrisies have I been guilty of in seeking to gain a reputation for spirituality. How frequently have I conveyed false impressions to others, making them suppose it was far otherwise within me, than was actually the case. What pride and self-righteousness have swayed me. And of what insincerity have I, at times, been guilty of in the pulpit: praying to the ears of the congregation instead of to God, pretending to have liberty when my own spirit was bound, speaking of those things which I had not felt and handled for myself. Much, very much cause has the writer to take the leper's place, cover his lips, and cry "Unclean, unclean!"

4. I am vile in my unbelief. How often am I still filled with doubts and misgivings. How often do I lean unto my own understanding instead of upon the Lord. How often do I fail to expect from God (Mark 11:24) the things for which I ask Him. When the hour of testing comes, only too frequently are past deliverances forgotten. When troubles assail, instead of looking off unto the things unseen, I am occupied with the difficulties before me. Instead of remembering that with God all things are possible, I am ready to say, "Can God furnish a table in the wilderness?" (Psalm 78:19). True it is not always thus, for the Holy Spirit graciously keeps alive the faith which He has placed within; but when He ceases to work, and a trial is faced, how often did I give my Master occasion to say, "How is it that you have no faith?" (Mark 4:40).

Reader, how closely does your experience correspond with the above? Is it true that, "As in water face answer to face, so the heart of man to man" (Proverbs 27:19)? Have we been describing some of the symptoms of your diseased heart? Have you ever owned before God, "Behold I am vile"? Do you bear witness to the humbling fact before your brethren and sisters in Christ? It is comparatively easy to utter such words, but do you feel them? Does the realization of this truth make you "blush" (Ezra 9:6) and groan in secret? Have you such a personal and painful sense of your vileness that, often, you feel thoroughly unfit to draw unto a holy God?

If so:

1. You have abundant cause to be thankful to God, that His Holy Spirit has shown you something of your wretched self, that He has not kept you in ignorance of your woeful state, that He has not left you in that gross spiritual darkness that enshrouds millions of professing Christians.

~A. W. Pink~

(continued with # 3)